Guest Blogger: Barbara Stanley

Barbara’s Story

Angie asked me to guest blog about my motivations and my journey to getting fit and healthy.

It’s a long story with many miscellaneous factors involved.  I wish it were as simple as “I was just tired of being fat” and while that’s part of what got me started there is so much more background information needed to really understand what got me to this “place”.

Background on the ups and downs of weight gains and losses

We’re going way back…to high school. I was pretty active. I was a cheerleader so most of the school year I was very active every single week day. Monday – Friday we either had practice or a game. Keeping in shape and thin was NEVER an issue. Add a teenager’s metabolism and I could kill a Mike’s Super Sub without a second thought.

On to college we go. I did gain the obligatory “freshman 15”…times 2. I ended my freshman year weighing around 163. I remember my mom being shocked I only weighed 20 pounds less than she did. I remember being quite shocked as well.

Cut to the end of my sophomore year and I was offered a job in Salter Path, NC waiting tables at a seafood restaurant for the summer. I was able to live with my grandparents and save all of the money I made…which was A LOT! If you ever need to drop some pounds go wait tables for a busy summer at the beach. The extra pounds fell off…by the end of the summer I was 127 and I stayed that way right up through graduation.

Then came the babies. I had my first son in 1998. The lowest I got after his birth was 149. Oh, what I’d give just to glimpse that number on the scale again. The second son came in 2002. The lowest after him was 169. I’m almost back THERE!

My Mother

My mother I guess around 1972

When I was 15 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 37…the same age I am now. Can you imagine, 37 three kids ranging in age from 15 to 4 and being told you have breast cancer? I didn’t realize how hard that must have been for her until I had my own children and came to the realization that I’m the same age. I don’t feel old enough or mature enough to handle something like that, it must have been terrifying. If it was, she NEVER let on to us kids.

DisneyWorld when I was 8

My mother lived for 18 years fighting this disease off and on along the way whenever it decided to show up for an encore. In November 2003 the cancer was back…for good. There was no cure, just treatment to slow the progression.

She was doing great until early 2007. Then her health just went downhill at lightening speed. By May she had to stop working and was on oxygen 24 hours a day. She had to sleep in a recliner to be comfortable and was on morphine and various other pain medications to be comfortable. It was finally to the point that the treatment of chemo and radiation was doing more harm than good, so the treatment stopped. She lived long enough to see my brother get married in August of 2007. I saw her at Thanksgiving and 3 weeks later she died…9 days before Christmas. Talk about a tough Holiday.

August 2007 at my brother's wedding

Rock Bottom

Since I’ve had children I’ve been “on a diet”. Trying to watch what I eat but not really. I love to cook and I love food. I love to eat. Love it! When my mother died I weighed about 190. In the year after her death my father remarried and moved to California…another difficult “change”. By Christmas 2008 I was at 204. I fooled myself into thinking I looked good but the pictures don’t lie.

2009 was going to be the year for me. I had discovered Facebook and reconnected with some old friends. I was recruited into an elite group of 8 other AMAZING women to run a half marathon in November 2009. I was crazy. I trained. I ran when I could and walked when I couldn’t. I got back down to 192, finished that race and felt like Wonder Woman. Christmas 2009 I was at 185.

Angie and me at OBX Half Marathon 2009

2010 for sure was MY year. If I could go 13.1 miles I could do anything. In February 2010 I lost my job. That was rock bottom. I didn’t realize it until May or so, but I fell into a major depression (my husband noticed right away and had to convince me). Back up to 198. I knew why I was depressed. I was mad and sad about losing my job but mostly is was all of the time I had to myself. Time to think, time to grieve the death of my mother, time to mourn the “loss” of my father (3500 miles is long way). It all came down on me at once. When there is no “outside focus” like work to get your mind off of things and to push all of those emotions deep down where you don’t have to deal with them they come down on you at once and the weight is unbearable. I didn’t want people to know. I felt weak. I had never struggled with anything like this before. I knew WHY I was sad. There were no repressed memories or traumatic events. Just plain old grief.

I had to get out of my funk. I was weighed down with sadness and fear. There is not a day that goes by that I’m not absolutely terrified that one day I’ll go to the doctor and he’ll tell me I have breast cancer. NOT ONE DAY. Some days the fear consumes me. I have said countless times if insurance would pay for me to have my breasts removed as a preventive measure I’d do it without question (I don’t have a long enough family history…I’ve looked into it). If I was willing to do something that drastic couldn’t I at least take prevention measures I could control? Diet and Exercise. Now I was motivated.

The Change

I had already committed to running the 2010 OBX with the same girls and I had no excuses for not training or eating better so I dropped to 185 and stalled. Sweet Angie decided to do the 30 day Shred DVD so I committed to do it too. Around day 16 or so the changes started happening. I dropped 10 pounds. Now I was motivated.

My husband committed to run the half with me and we trained together all the way up to November.

Chris and Me after finishing the 2010 OBX Half Marathon

We completed the half and got through the holidays with zero exercise. I didn’t gain any weight but I got squishy again.

My husband decided in January he was DONE with being out of shape and out of breath so we bought P90X. I was terrified. We’ve been doing it for 7 weeks now and the changes are amazing. We’ve changed the way we eat and the way we live. No more weekends camped in front of the television for hours on end. We are active, healthy and happy. We’re still on our journey, but we’re on it together and we’re on it for the rest of our lives.

Everyone’s motivations are different and everyone’s rock bottom comes at a different time. But there it a rock bottom for everyone. Even the happiest people you know.

When you feel like you’re lying at the bottom of that deep hole remember you can’t keep digging and expect to get out. You have to climb out one step and a time and sometimes you’ll fall back down…GET UP.

Sometimes you can’t do it by yourself. Sometimes you need help and you have to be willing to accept it. You have to be willing to accept that it doesn’t mean you’re weak because you can’t do it on you own.

You have to surround yourself with amazing people who love you no matter what and who support you through your successes and failures. If you don’t have people like that in your life…get rid of them. NOW! They are of no value to you. And if they treat you poorly, you need to accept that you are of no value to them.

Angie and Me now. She's the type of person you need surrounding you. She is one of my rocks and she is my friend.

But most of all you have to believe that YOU are worth it. Your life is worth LIVING not just being. There is a difference between being alive and LIVING! When you realize the difference you can be AMAZING.